The Nightmare That Is A Woman
by DementedViper
Summary: Crack Fic! Maybe I should start questioning everything my friends give me? Anyway. SLASH Don't Like Don't Read. Gwen Bashing, Slash, Complete OOC!Gay Arthur. Merlin only wants to get his chores done, but Gwen had to ruin it and Arthur holds him hostiage


Disclaimer: I do NOT own Merlin…very, very unfortunately.

A/N1: I, unfortunately, do not have my own lappy so I can't update any of my stories tonight or tomorrow *sniff*. Because of this I have had to start a new one shot, I might try to do another nursery rhyme/lullaby fic.

A/N2: as with all my fics it is best to just no ask what inspires me, but feel free to.

A/N3: Because I do not have my very much loved Word2008 I don't have the brilliant spell and grammar checks, so blame the old technology.

Warnings: Slash (of course XD) uh and my insanity, as usual, GWEN BASHING! (I think I did very well with this being my first Gwen bashing fic), Implied sex and very clear homosexuality with a slight OOC Arthur. I think that is it.

ENJOY!

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**The Nightmare That Is A Woman**

Merlin sighed as he shook out Arthur's blankets. he was bored, it was the same everyday; wake up, wash and dress, eat, go to Arthur, wake him, dress him, get his chores, and it was just a very boring routine. Well it was a boring routine when Arthur was off playing the perfect prince but when he was around Merlin it was quite fun, even if it did cause him more work afterwards.

As Merlin shook the sheets and blankets again, trying to shake the corners out he felt himself pushed onto the bed under the sheets with a body hugging him close. He blinked at the blond hair as the very familiar body curled around him tucking up the corners, leaving on corner for him to peek out of.

"Arthur?" he chuckled uneasily, watching his prince with worry, for all Merlin knew he father could have pushed him too far and he had finally snapped.

"Shh" Merlin rolled his eyes as he was pulled flat on his stomach and Arthur was peeking out.

"Sorry" he whispered. "Arthur what is going on?"

"Hiding"

"From who?"

"Gwen"

"Why?" Arthur looked at him horrified and shifted closer until he was practically under him.

"Because she's evil" he whispered peeking out of the sheets as if she would appear.

"Arthur, have you been at Gaius' potions again?" Arthur shook his head and hugged Merlin's arm

"Morgana convinced Gwen to talk to me, I wish she hadn't."

"Are you starting from the beginning?" Arthur nodded and took a deep breath.

FlashyFlashFlashBack

_Arthur chuckled as he watched the Knights fight each other, it was rather amusing to see them try to gain his favour, his favourite was Merlin so their fighting was for nothing. He turned and jumped giving a little squeak._

_"Gwen!" _

_"Sorry" she flushed her dark skin darkening as she scuffed her feet looking at them. _

_"What do you want?" he asked with a sigh annoyed with the girl's presence already her infatuation with Merlin was so annoying! Could she not see that Merlin had no interest in her?_

_"Well, forgive me for speaking out of turn, but Morgana and I were talking and she believes it would be a good idea for me to speak to you…"_

_"Guinevere, you are babbling, be quick." he drooled already loosing his patience. _

_"Well the thing is, and I know it is like never done because of well social class and I am not of noble blood but you are such a kind man and you will be a great King," she saw the look she was getting and took a deep breath "Well I really, really like you, as in, more then I should like girls like boys and boys like girls." Arthur gaped at her then turned and ran away _

_"Arthur! WAIT! I LOVE YOU!" she chased him and he dove into his room locking and barricading the door_

End of FlashyFlashFlashBack

"…So now we're here hiding from the psychotic deluded…woman" Merlin smiled at the disgust in his lover's voice.

"Arthur?" Merlin chuckled leaning curling up in the Princes arms, the blond held him and kissed his temple "Just ignore her, you are mine right?"

"Yes and you are mine and I'm going to keep you forever" Merlin chuckled but nodded and tilted his head back to kiss Arthur

"How about I make you forget about the mean," Merlin turned and straddled him pushing him back, "Psychotic," he pressed a kiss to Arthur's lips and breathed on his ear "deluded," Arthur groaned as Merlin's hands travelled "female?" he purred and Arthur flipped him and crashed their lips together, he easily forgot about Gwen in Merlin's body and their climaxes.

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Soooooo was i allowed my Gwen bashing?

**A/N4:** I have nothing against females, i am one myself. I just have a thing against Gwen, and do see what pains and nightmares women can be. Just thought i would add that in


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